I have discovered that the English are not okay with tears

Wednesday was a LONG day at work.

I had been out of the office in trainings Friday, Monday, and Tuesday. Needless to say, I had an email list a mile long. One of the main email topics was the fact that one of my children absconded on Friday (yep, thats me using my new vocabulary!). My inbox was filled with multiple emails asking what I was going to do about helping this child and that people were disappointed that things were not being accomplished. In response, I sent a kind email reminding people that I am still in the induction phase and am not in the office all the time and am not officially working all of my cases on my own yet.

At this point, I learned that most of my clients have known my name for four months. So, they have been waiting for me to come and have begun seeking me for months worth of needs. Whereas, I learned their names 2.5 weeks ago, and have slowly been reading case files, attending days worth of training, and still trying to wrap my head around what I am actually doing and cultural differences like how a child in 'college' can still be on my children and families caseload (ie learning the British schooling system).

So the day was overwhelming....

Plus my supervisor is on 'holiday' this week, so I have had to fend for myself in saying that I am not allowed to do certain tasks yet. The other supervisor is less...hmm...less empathetic compared to my supervisor, so since she is really busy all the time I feel like I am breaking her arm every time I ask her a question.

The first tears came when I asked the supervisor a question, and I was given a short, harsh, abrasive answer (...oh the English) because she was busy. After I completed my task, I excused myself to the 'toilet' (restroom) to let out the tears. Of course as I was wiping my face and washing my hands to leave, the supervisor comes through the door to go...not who I wanted to see.

As the rest of the day pattered on, a secretary that has been in charge of all the unallocated cases (ie mine and the other new American's) reminded 100 things I needed to do about my cases. Half of which I did not know how to do and my supervisor had told me not to do the tasks yet so she said she would just do them in an indirectly frustrated way.

So after a LONG LONG LONG day.....

As I was packing my things up to leave, the secretary leaned over to tell me that she just wanted to warn me that when she talked to the foster carers of one of my clients today, she mentioned that the teenager was really disappointed that I had not even called the teen to say hello yet. This was the last hole in the well for me. Tears came streaming down my face as I told her I felt like I was doing a terrible job since I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing in the midst of a million things that need to be completed.

Of course, this started an office commotion....the new girl....the American....crying IN the the office!!!! My officemates all swarmed in to fix my tears. I let them all know (multiple times) that I am crier and when I get overwhelmed, I just need to let it out. But, that was still not okay with them. They needed to all tell me a thousand times that it was okay, and explain that everyone understands that I am new, and justify me not knowing what to do...and blah blah blah. They gave me loads of kleenex and I even got a ride home instead of having to take the train. At the end of it all, the secretary asked me to please not tell my supervisor that she made me cry next week when she returns from holiday. what?!?!? (I am not sure if they really realize that I was telling the truth when I said I was a crier, because this will happen again).